Sunday, February 28, 2010

Valentines Day

My first Valentines day has come and gone.  I know I'm a little behind in posting about this but since it's still technically February I figure, better late than never.  Now, listen - I have been getting a lot...and I mean, A LOT of questions lately about my relationship status.  I don't know if it's because I'm about to turn 1 or maybe because the hair on my head is growing in so much it's even inching a little over my ears or WHAT, but I want to address the masses.  I do have a girl that I text A LOT.  I would facebook and tweet her but her mom won't let her have an account.  We even talk on the phone sometimes but mom gets jealous and I've had MANY an instance when my lady friend will call and mom will answer as I'm sitting right there and I'll hear, "oh no..sorry, Gray isn't here right now, can I take a message?" or the worst "sorry, you have the wrong number" and then she hangs up.  Mom, if you're reading this listen up, I'm almost 1 and I know it's hard for you to let go but I don't need you to baby me anymore!!!  I can already hear her now, "if you're gonna live under MY roof you will live by MY rules.." blah, blah, blah.  Don't worry, Lucille - one day I won't live under this roof and you'll get your own Twitter account and life will be as we dream...

I digress.  So, there's another lovely lady too that I think the world of but unfortunately I haven't gotten to spend too much time with.  Grayce Phillips. I mean, seriously - Grayce and Grayson (she may or may not spell her name with a "y" in it but I'm assuming she does..who wouldn't?)-- how could that NOT work out???  But I have yet to really hang out with Grayce like I have with Lucille to know if we really have the connection or not...but I've seen pictures and I know immediately her and I have the same love of food and she is QUITE the looker!

Moving on.  So, as the big V-day approached I went to the best place I could to get the best advice.  Dad.  I mean, Dad managed to score Mom who is 2.5 years older than him!! HOLLA BACK, DAD!  If there's anyone I know that's got the moves... it's him -- so, I asked him for his advice.  He replied, "son, you GOTTA play it cool.  Don't act needy, eager, or desperate.  Show your lady she's special but don't try TOO hard to impress.  You gotta leave time to improve - if you go all out in year 1 you'll have the pressure every year of topping the previous year and that just gets expensive.  Here are the top 5 things you DEFINITELY don't want to do on your first Valentines Day..."

1. Don't wear anything cheesy on Valentines Day..like red things or heart shaped things and don't show too much skin.

2. Don't do anything that's too showy - for example: Absolutely no flexing and no one-arm push-ups.  That's just overkill.
      

3. Don't play the "I love animals" cards.  Just because her mom is a Veterinarian - don't be that dude that has to walk around with a puppy just to get a stare.

4. Never show too much skin.  Don't ever show her what's under the bib- you gotta save something for the wedding day!

5. Don't smile too much.  Smiling shows weakness and nervousness - just play it cool like you've done this a million times.

Got it, Dad.  I hear EVERYTHING you're sayin and I'm following ALL your advice.  Wait, I think I just heard by phone beep - must be my lady friend shooting me a text.  GOTTA GO!

3 comments:

Auntie KJ said...

I love this!! Way to follow Dad's advice; I think you've got it down. No lady will ever walk past you if you keep up with those moves and expressions. Better warn Mom now to watch out because her boy is going to be a lady killer.. all thanks to Dad, of course!!

Lucille said...

well, me and my big sisters looked at your new pictures at the same time and i feel like maybe i shouldn't do that again. mae said "he is sooo cute" and eve noticed you weren't wearing any clothes and i started to feel a little jealous. but then at the last picture, mae said, "ooh, poopie diaper." i'm not sure why she thinks she knows what was in it, but i'm glad she lost interest. i mean, how do i compete with girls who could get your juice cup out of the fridge for you? anyway, the one-armed push up was GOLDEN. nice touch. keep it up in case my dad starts being too protective. love, lucille

Elizabeth Johnson Phillips said...

G$,
This is Henry. Not cool about you two timing on my sister. Sure, you get to be with Lucille more--but seriously, if you got with Gracie we'd totally be throwin' down every Holiday, yo! I'll make sure Grace understands about things like Sportscenter and reading on the potty. No guarantees with a girl with only sisters. I'm just sayin. BTW, we'd totally love to have you hang with us. I'll have my people call your people.