I'm Bringing Sexy Back

bloggers -

This is going to be short and sweet.  I reunited this weekend with some of my kuzins during Kuzins Kamp reunion 2010.  We have now done this the past two years and plan to make it a yearly tradition.  You can see last year's Kuzin Kamp experience HERE.  Quite frankly this is one of my favorite trips of the year and this year we even got to celebrate my Gammy's 60th 38th birthday with the whole crew.  It was nothing short of amazing and there are so many details to blog about but I gotta get this one off my chest.  So, if you'll allow me to be Debbie Downer for a minute and tell you my biggest disappointment.  Apparently I'm related to a bunch of people pleasers.  EXHIBIT A:


This says it all.  Let me set the stage.  No more than 2 minutes before this picture was taken we probably had 4 of the 6 kids crying or complaining.  Seriously.  If you could see the number of takes with parents arms involved trying to keep them still or getting their attention..it was unreal.  But ALL of a sudden all the adults start jumping up and down and waving their hands and singing songs - even offering bribes - and ALL MY KUZINS change their tune...except for you, Katie - you kept it real and I love you for that (so what if she's only 10 weeks old, she's allowed to express herself too!).  But seriously, a few songs and oh, now I'm SOOO happy to be here.  It's only 110 degrees out and literally I have sweat dripping into my diaper but let me put on this smile like I REALLY think your song is clever and sitting in itchy grass with 8,000 people screaming at me is what I had hoped and prayed for at 6:30 in the evening on this night when I've already spent the entire day overwhelmed and woke up this morning at 5:30 with probably only an hour nap had since them. Not me, I'm not gonna fake anything.  If I don't think you're funny I'm not going to fake laugh at you - get over it - I'm just like my dad.  So, to whomever it was we were all looking at..don't take it personally, I just think you maybe need to work on your routine a little bit.

Love you all...especially you, Katie Jane.

-Stonecold.

You say Tomato...

ahhhhh..where to start.  Well, I'll just jump right in I guess - soooo, I ripped the tape measure in half when the nurse was trying to get the circumference of my head.  Why was she so obsessed with getting the measurement to the exact millimeter?  I was already sad when she walked in there as it was right in the middle of what would have been my afternoon siesta and then mom accidentally (or so she claims) knocked me in the face as she was attempting to put on one of my crocs in an effort to make me less sad.  Two words Mom...EPIC FAILURE.  Slap in the face made me more sad and then nurse lady insisted I have my head measured and it didn't matter that she attempted at least 4 times prior to the hulk hogan move I pulled - she was persistent.  So on the last go I just grabbed it by both sides as I let out the loudest ROAR I could have mustered up and just pulled with all my might and POW - Grayson - 1, Paper tape measure - 0.  She evened up the score though when she pulled out another one.  Seriously, can't they just get different size hats to put on us?  Whichever one fits, that's the size of my head...why is that so hard?  A paper tape measure?!? Hey nurse, 1982 called and they want their method of measuring a baby's big boy's head back.

Then, another lady walks in while I'm working on my afternoon snack and seriously comes after me with some cold, metal object right on my chest, then my back, then my ribs, then back to my back.  What in the world is wrong with these people??  I knew she was trying to hear something as these long pipes extended into her ears from said metal object so I just screamed as loud as I could in hopes she couldn't hear a thing.  I don't feel bad - Eye for an eye, lady.

We left knowing this.  I'm crazy tall (at least an inch off the curve) and 29 lbs. and some change.  That put me at 95%.  Oh and for my ever so accurate head measure - 95%.  Good thing she was so precise as to put me in a frenzy, pretty sure the doc would have sent me to a head specialist if I came in at 94% or 96%.  All that to say, nothing we didn't already know - they're not worried about malnourishment for me.  Good news...she told mom to keep me on whole milk till I'm 2. Who's got two thumbs and loves thick milk?? THIS GUY....

Y'all - totally unrelated topic but mom and I have been visiting some day cares as we prepare for the coming year.  No, I didn't fire Aunt Am and Friday Mom but Friday Mom is moving to Nicaragua and although I have pleaded on several occasions to have me flown there every Thursday night - I've been told not till I'm 8 can I fly alone and so the answer is No for at least 7 more years.  And Am...well, she for some reason turned down the position to be my in-home nanny/housekeeper/chef.  I mean, I offerred $20/day...can you really beat that as a nurse???  So, the other day we walked into one (which is the one I will be attending 2 days per week) and I think I know what sold mom.  You're thinking it was the friendly staff, great curriculum, colorful classrooms, and their offerring of part-time.  MYTH.  What got mom was when we walked into the Toddler room (where I will be residing on T/Th) and apparently it was nap time because let me set the stage.  10 toddlers (16-24 month olds) lying on little mattresses ON THE FLOOR with their blankie and lovey SOUND ASLEEP.  Did you get that?  All 10 of them people..all asleep...no pack n' plays, no physical barriers, all just lying there on their mats looking as peaceful as can be.  I personally think there are electric fences around each of those mattresses and have a funny feeling that each kid wears a chip on their belly button. I tried to wake up the kids to see if they got shocked when they moved off their bed but my "DAH!!" and "DUAAHH?????" and frantic pointing at each of them didn't work.  Check back in mid-August for the update, but let's just say mom told the lady she deserved a raise if she could keep me on that mat for 5 minutes.

Last topic of this post - apparently my family is collectively known as the Dog Whisperer?  We rescue dogs.  Not for permanent residence but I didn't realize MAD couldn't pass by a runaway dog on the side of the road without having it end up in our backyard.  Meet Gizmo (we gave her that name).  Nobody has claimed her yet and quite frankly I hate her.  When I'm sitting on the floor she's JUST at my height and girl won't get out of my face.  Daisy at least is annoyed of me so she stays away - this girl is all up in my grill not even leaving me with any air to breathe.  We've tried to find her owners - collar but no tags.  Dad posted her sweet face on Craigslist and so far we've gotten one person telling us she's a Puggle and not a Pug and that we spelled the name of the street wrong that we found her on...awesome, thanks for wasting my time Captain Correction.  Then another person emailed claiming that it "MIGHT" be her dog as her dog ran away 10 days ago from a city about 20 minutes from us.  We emailed them back asking for some identifiers (color of collar, any markings, tricks she knows, etc) but we haven't heard back.  OH and for the record - asking the person of any certain tricks was suck a trick question.  Dog is dumb.  She can't even sit - so even if this fraudster thought he/she was so smart by saying, "oh she knows sit and lie down" as most every dog knows the basics..this dog doesn't EVEN know the basics so we would have known so called owner was an impostor.  BOOYAH.  Anyway, 10 more days and this dog is free to be adopted --- want her?

Oh yea, and mom and dad went to a safari with some of their besties.  I still am a little disappointed they didn't take me but did I mention my Grandma flew in on last minute's notice to care for me while MAD had a mini vacation?  I don't get what you even do with yourselves if I'm not with you so I'm sure it was pretty boring but I guess Dad managed to surprise mom with a trip to what appears to be the Wild Animal Kingdom.  I have more pics of my time with Grandma but they all ended up on Dad's computer so you're going to have to wait until next post.  I'll leave you with a teaser though...that's how I roll...always leave the readers wanting more....

Peace,

ps. To finish off the subject...you say tomato and I say, "DAH!"

I learned my Middle Name

Do y'all have middle names? I mean, I get it..I'm Grayson. Sometimes Gray and sometimes Gray Gray and to people who are inferior to me, I'm Mr. Brock. Who knew though that I had a middle name?! I hadn't really heard mine much until just recently when I visited a house that isn't "Gray proof". So, allow me to FULLY introduce myself to you all - all my wonderful readers..you deserve to know my full name:

Grayson Nosir Brock - it's not french..it's pronounced "NO SIR" in a louder, more stern voice.

Just the other night I went to Harrisonburg with Mom and Daisy to visit my Aunt KJ at her mom's house and within minutes of me crawling walking into the house I'm pretty sure all I heard for the next 24 straight hours was, "Gray NoSir." I mean, I would just start walking to the next pretty wine bottle, shiny t.v. lights, standing vase, potted plant, china cabinet, medicine drawer, cleaner cabinet, trash can, dog bowl, etc and it was just a constant ringing of "Gray NOSIR" "Gray NOSIR" "Gray NOSIR" and every once in a while she would get me confused with someone else and I'd hear "Gray NOTOUCH."  Verdict is still out but I think I like the middle name - it's different and unique...Mom has always been big on the Not-So-Common names.

Oh and PS. Happy Fathers Day?!  Man, I was ON THE BALL for Mothers Day and here's all I got for Father's Day.  At least I'm calling Gramps and Grandpa while I set up the photo.  I don't want to put blame on anyone for this lack of effort and I ain't no blame shifter but without saying names and only using rhymes it is Tom's fault.

So, what else.  My Gammy came to visit from Thursday to Sunday.  She was only supposed to stay till Saturday but M.A.D (Mom and Dad) neglected to find a sitter for me for a dinner they already had planned and thus, Gammy saved the night.  I had a GREAT time with her.  She was with me all day Friday while MAD worked and we went to the Children's Museum on Saturday and then watched the world cup.  She even helped to bring some plants back to life that Mom had killed not watered enough.  We had a great time all around and I can't wait to see her again in July!

So, I'm pretty much a full-time walker.  I think it still catches MAD off guard to see me walking.  Sometimes I'll cruise past Mom and she'll say, "Oh, hey there Walker" and I just give her the look of annoyance and say (with my eyes), my name isn't Walker..it's Grayson...Grayson Nosir.  Then she apologizes.  I still raise the roof the whole time I walk - people think it's because I can't balance. FALSE.  I just like raising the roof and giving the glory to the good Lord for each step I take.  Trust me, if you were as big as I am, you'd be praising God for every step you took as well.  Amen?

I got a new kitchen.  Mom asked Dad if they could remodel their current and here was his compromise.  BIG WINNER.  Dad and Mom discussed the kitchen and Dad even looked for it online and showed mom pictures of it before he left.  I'll never forget when he called Toys R' Us (I'm not paid to say their name but give-aways are welcome) and asked if they had it in stock? "Oh, it's purple and not blue?" he said to the salesman?  Mom inserts smirk on her face. Dad looks over at mom, "It's no big deal, he won't know the difference anyway and it'll serve the purpose we're looking for." Mom responds, "yup, I agree..it's a good price and if we have a girl someday she'll love it too."  So dad takes off to the land O' Toys and 20 minutes later Mom gets a call from Dad.."Umm..I maybe spent a little more money on the kitchen then we had talked about." I KNEW IT..I KNEW Dad couldn't settle for the purple kitchen and thus now I have kitchen that could serve as a tool bench if needed.  You couldn't look any manlier boiling water if you tried.  The only annoying thing is that my fridge has automatic ice and water dispenser and MAD's doesn't so they come over to use it ALL the TIME.  Oh and it has a cell phone and a holder for the cell phone that comes with it.  Best. Kitchen. Ever.

Oh this was awesome.  The other night Dad swooped me up from my high chair at dinner and threw me in the car and we had a late night car trip.  Story goes that Mom drove to Chesapeake that day (2 hours from home) and took some co-workers with her.  They met up with some other co-workers and spent the day doing some work.  Well, at lunch they took other co-workers car and mom left her keys in his car.  Said co-worker drove back to Richmond two hours before mom did with other co-workers.  Car has an electronic start so the only thing we could use to get it home was the keys themselves.  Can someone say "long cab ride" for Mom? I would say it but it just comes out "du afiejof du oahgl muah okay okay okay"

Off to a going away party for some great friends.  Don't make me blog about it or I'll cry.  Peace.

Referring you to Facebook

Peeps -

Big news for you.  Unfortunately with the help of Dad we tried to relay the news in video format to post to the blog as we typically do but YouTube muted our audio.  I'll have none of that so instead of waving the white flag and letting YouTube win I just am going to refer you to mom or dad's facebook page for your viewing pleasure.

I would also like to state that what you see in the video is still not my preferred method of transportation but it just is going to be used to hush the masses who ask, "shouldn't he be walking by now?"  To that I say, "shouldn't you have learned to mind your own business by now?"

A few things about me at this exact moment:

1. My Aunt Krystle is here watching me this week and let's just say my family has never eaten so well in all our lives. Also, she brought her 11 lbs. dog, Audie.  You wouldn't believe how good I am at finding his eyes..over and over and over again.  Best part...for some reason he doesn't move when I poke them.  They say the best way to learn is by repetition and I'm pretty sure I've mastered where his eyes are.  Tomorrow I plan to work on finding his ears..his inner ears.  I would say this is the best week of my life but refer to #2 below.

2. I'm pretty sick.  I had a fever last night that we've been successfully lowering with medicine but still the day was filled with lots of tears.  They were mostly mom's tears.  Some would maybe say today that I was acting irrationally at some of the events of the day but I disagree.  Let me ask you (this is just 4 out of about 48 reasons I had a meltdown today): 

• Would you NOT be totally offended and slightly ticked off that your mom's friend tried to give you a sticker for not feeling well?  I mean seriously, does she think I'm just a 15 month old?  Deserved a meltdown...in the church office.
• Can you believe mom tried to offer me frozen mango today b/c she thought my teeth were hurting? I mean, do you even know me mom? I like blueberries and I like them refrigerated.  Nothing about refrigerated blueberries screams frozen mango.  Deserved a meltdown.
• Mom's friend had the audacity to look me in the eyes and smile.  Clearly she was trying to hit on me.  Umm..how many times do I have to say it? I have a girlfriend, people.  Deserved a meltdown.
• I woke up from a 2 hour nap. Something had to wake me up..I don't remember what it was but I just know I woke up and I was angry.  Deserved a meltdown - a LONG meltdown.

3. Due to #2 above Mom and Krystle decided it would be good to get some fresh air.  We strolled over to the pool and actually this was a highlight of my day.  My fever was down, my shirt was off, my bucket hat was on and there were toys all OVER the baby pool.  I was playing this awesome game of throwing the ball outside the pool so Krystle had to go get it.  Time of our lives.....and then I swallowed some water.  By some I mean a lot and by a lot I mean to the point that I threw up.  Chunks.  In the pool.  Remember those blueberries from 2b above?  I wasn't super phased by it but the look on mom and KJ's face was priceless.  If I could throw up everyday in a public pool and elicit the same facial expression I think I would.  Just then another mom and little girl walked through the gate.  We're not sure what she saw but all we heard was, "Nah, let's not swim in here, sweety..let's go to the adult pool. (insert glare at mom)"  Sweet, she was gone.  This gave mom ample time to scoop up said chunks in one of my buckets and rid the pool of any evidence.  SCOREBOARD: Grayson's puke - 1, Wyndham baby pool - 0.  We call that undefeated, baby.

(Here's proof despite the above that #3 was still my highlight)

4. I am getting at LEAST 5 molars in all at the same time.  Literally, you can see breakage on at least 5 of my back teeth.  Talk about paradise.  This MAY explain some of #2 above as well.

On that note I'm out. Seriously, pray for me. The good news is that I get a TON of cuddles and mom stays home from work tomorrow. BOOYAH.

G 'Walker' Brock - more pics from Myrtle (and this past Monday) attached.

Yikes..May was a bad month.

I haven't blogged in ages.  I don't know if it's because I've given up on the thought of me becoming a professional blogger or if it's because mom doesn't leave a laptop in my crib anymore with me (which is typically where I do all my blogging) but either way this has definitely taken a back seat to walking crawling. 

If you noticed (you may not have) but I crossed out "walking" because I'm still not quite there.  I mean, I CAN walk when I want.  This morning I walked pretty much across my parent's bedroom but I just prefer to be crawling.  I heard once that crawling helps build your arm muscles.  When I heard that I vowed to not walk till I had to go to school.  Seriously, think about it fellas, comment to me if/when you agree - but as a dude I'm worried about my upper body build, right?  No guy wants bulging thighs...when Lewseal (pseudonym to protect the innocent) sneaks a peak I know she's looking at my arm rolls, NOT my leg rolls...we (by 'we' I mean 'they' by 'they' I mean 'the ladies') want broad shoulders and decent pecks (and to be sensitive, funny, caring, yadda, yadda..I get it).  Sure, all you early walkers are impressive now and the girls are "ooohing" and "ahhhhing" as you strut yourselves through the nursery but I'm okay with that.  I am keeping myself in the infant nursery where nobody can walk anyway and saving my days of impressing for when I can actually drive the ladies somewhere and when Mom and Dad will let me out of the house without a diaper on.

Not too long ago Mad (mom and dad collectively) dog-sat for some good friends.  Maddy came over for TWO weeks and it was awesome.  The most awesome part is that the crate comes out when she's here.  Although you would think that just one of the dogs goes in the crate that is certainly not the case.  At night when you call Maddy into the crate Daisy just follows her right in. I am pretty sure Maddy gets annoyed but Daisy is really needy and enjoys the snuggle time with her bestie.  Well, I won't call it laziness for the sake of saving face, but let's just say the crate is still downstairs and it's one of my favorite toys.  I just can't figure out why Daisy isn't as anxious to get in there with me as she is with Maddy???

This past weekend was potentially the best weekend of my life.  First off - Mom was home with me from Thursday through Tuesday and then it was Mad from Friday to Monday.  You can't even imagine the good conversations I get to overhear when it's Mad.  This one for example:

Scene: Mom enters the room in a striped shirt where Dad and I are playing --

Dad: Is that a new shirt you're wearing?

Mom: No
Dad: Yes it is

Mom: No it's not

Dad: I have NEVER in my life seen that shirt before

Mom: Well it's not new.  You must not have noticed

Dad: When did you get it?

Mom: Last week

Dad: AND IT'S NOT NEW???

Mom: Nope - I have been back to Old Navy SINCE getting this shirt which now makes this an old shirt

Secondly, we went to Myrtle Beach and I got to see some of my favorites- Aunt KJ, my adoptive Grandma Sandy, and the most knowledgeable current events man in the world, Ron.  Before we left mom stopped at the local Target to pick up some beach and pool toys.  I mean, they were fine and all but seriously, can you beat an empty hummus containter and a slightly used travel mug?  I. THINK. NOT.  Some of you may be wondering what had us go down this past weekend?  Well, I was invited by my black biker friends because it was black biker week.  In honor of, I wore my biker bathing suit and swim shirt.  Ohhh the amount of things I have been able to experience in my short 14 months of livin' thus far. 

Lastly - a simply request turns near impossible.  Let's see you find your bellybutton right after dinner, MOM!